“If you don’t pick up your toys, I’ll throw them away.” “If you don’t brush your teeth, no TV.” “If you keep fighting, I’ll punish both of you.”
Have you ever found yourself in one of these situations? How often does it happen? Do you think you could handle it differently?
As parents, it’s very common to say phrases like these to get our children to do what we ask. However, it’s harder to follow instructions if we don’t understand why they’re being given or what purpose they serve. In these cases, what works best is to be disruptive.
Being disruptive means doing things differently finding new ways to help our children understand what they need to do, what’s right or wrong, and how to behave appropriately. In essence, this aligns closely with positive discipline parenting.
To understand this concept, let’s first talk about positivity. Have you ever met someone with a positive outlook on life? How is that person emotionally? How do they relate to others? What kind of phrases do they often use?
When we’re around positive people, their presence alone makes us feel good. We’re referring to people who practice realistic positive thinking those who know that bad moments are temporary, that failure is an obstacle rather than an endpoint, who don’t generalize, who recover quickly from adversity, and who have better relationships with others. By contrast, people with extreme positivity are those who fail to assess risks, assume everything will turn out fine without taking action, and show rigid thinking or little responsibility for circumstances.
Returning to positivity in parenting, it means noticing and valuing what your children do achieve, what interests them, and what supports their optimal development.
In other words, practicing this kind of parenting means being for our children: respectful, encouraging, genuinely interested, kind, and focused on developing life skills. The goal is that, at their current age, these teachings have a long-term impact helping them become respectful individuals, effective problem solvers, and people who form healthy relationships with others.
If you’ve decided to apply positive discipline in your parenting, consider these techniques:
- Connect before correcting. Everyone feels better when they know they’re being heard, validated, and understood. First, listen. Then validate what your child feels, and finally, help them understand the situation.
- Be firm without losing kindness. Express what needs to be done using appropriate words. You don’t have to choose between being firm and being kind.
- Focus on solutions, not repercussions. Punishments usually provoke negative emotions. Instead, show that even in challenging situations there are beneficial solutions this fosters responsibility and resilience.
- Let them make their own choices. Give them space to decide. You can guide them toward what seems best for their growth. This builds self-confidence, which is essential at this stage. If they make a wrong decision, help them take responsibility for the consequences.
- Teach by example. We learn more from what we see others do than from what they tell us. The same applies to your children they observe everything you say and do. Help them by being a role model. Remember: what you do has far more impact than what you say.
Positive discipline has been documented as effective because it encourages parents to treat their children with love and respect without losing the authority needed to guide them. This doesn’t mean that if you already treat your children lovingly you’re automatically applying this approach, nor that following a different parenting style is invalid.
The better informed we are, the better choices we can make about the kind of parenting that aligns with us as responsible adults and that best serves our children. That’s the approach you should follow.
The education your children receive with us is based on curiosity, collaboration, and problem-solving, fostering self-esteem, independence, creativity, and emotional self-regulation from an early age, in partnership with families.
In our teaching-learning process, our goal is to form confident, happy, and curious students who are prepared for future stages of life and school. All of this takes place within a community that nurtures values, empathy, and a global mindset.